Oct. 5th, 2008 | 11:18 am
Later, manicures at BHH. I love that place, and will take any opportunity to go there!
Dinner with Karl, who has broken with Mel. Mel is one of the most difficult, high-maintenance men I've ever met. Yes, he's dynamic, and yes, he's always up to something, but good grief! One never has a chance to relax around him. Poor Karl has been run ragged, running the business, putting up with Mel's antics. Karl will be just fine, but I do wory about Mel.
Today, restin' and relaxin'. We've got season one of Mad Men on DVD to watch.
What's for lunch? I'm not sure. Perhaps Lean Cuisine, perhaps Chinese delivery. I just can't decide, these options are both so scintillating (not). For dinner, left-over "peas porrage hot" - terribly healthy, but ever so dull. Such is my life, on a diet.
Looking forward to weighing in tomorrow morning! That's one thing I can be cheerful about on an early Monday morning before my workout!
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Sep. 29th, 2008 | 03:06 pm
I've lost 7.5 pounds this week! Woo-haw, but it's the first week afterall. Next week, I fully expect the scale to budge not more than a pound, if any, just like good-ol' Biggest Loser (no pun intended). But hey! It's a good start.
I've quit WeighWatchers and joined "Spark People", a free website where one can track their nutritional and exercise choices, join online clubs, gain points for prizes, and other confusing things. I'm there, only, to track my caloric daily totals, and no more. And since it's free, it seems the best choice, even though one has to put up with annoying dancing sidebars and flickering boxes all about. The internet is so stupid and annoying, at times. Even now, here to the right of this text input box where I"m typing, I can discern movement coming from several advertisements - disabling "flash" does no good.
What were my triumphs this week? I can't think of any specifically, though I can tell you about a decided non-triumph - I ate a large frosted pumpkin cookie. It was following a tour of a workplace facility. I was hungry, I was tired, I was anxious to get back to my desk. I was suddenly faced with a large frosted sugar-cookie (my favorite), and couldn't say no. I was terribly unhappy with myself. Must have more discipline, next time.
And then, same day (no food ingested, however), I come to find that a beloved co-worker has just been given the news that the jig is up. She's going to die. In the hospital one day with a mostly benign ailment, and the next, given word that what they'd though was an ulcer, was actually terminal cancer. You can just imagine. I heard this news just before I was to leave late Friday afternoon. I had stopped by a co-worker's office to find the entire department jammed in 'round his desk. They all stared at me blankly, like I'd interupted a private meeting. I was just about to skulk off when one of them filled me in. "Oh", I gasped, with what I hoped was an appropriate solemnity, shocked, concerned expression, "How awful." I then realized that I was munching on my carrot sticks (an after work, on the way home snack), and felt extremely self-concious and inappropriate. Everyone starred at me. I think they were waiting to see what I was going to do, not knowing what they should do. "I'm going now", I said. And slunk out of the office.
Today, knowing that the word would be generally distributed to the rest of the department, I just couldn't face going in to work, all that hand-wringing and speculation and "oh dearing" and shocked silence punctuated by muffled sobbing. It's not that I don't feel just awful about it, but that I'm embarrassed to face all this in the work place with people I don't know at all well and about a person I know very little - we would pass each other in the hallways, attend the same meeting, from time to time.
Let's brighten things up a bit, shall we? Here's something I want. But will it make me look enourmous, given that I'm not very little? Be sure to look at the back view, as well as the Model shot. Largest size is a 12. I should look fairly decent in it in another 12.5 pounds. Alas, payday, and my obligations. We'll see.
What did I eat today:
1 small turkey sandwich (fat free American single, Brummel & Brown, mustard, 2 oz virtually fat-free turkey meat, 2 smallish slices of sourdough bread.)
1 cup of old Trader Joe's high fiber cereal, no milk, no nothing, just a bowl, a spoon, and the stale cereal.
1 small bowl of home-made minestrone (left over meatloaf, barley, kidney beans, cabbage, onion, carrot, sundry italiany spices)
And for dinner:
1/2 small watermelon
1/2 green pepper
1/2 red pepper
Another small bowl of the kitchen sink minestrone
Not bad, eh?
We got a yackage. I hope it's the Medifast!
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Sep. 24th, 2008 | 02:16 pm
All's going well. Working from home today, and usually it's a disaster, non-stop snacking, elaborate, rich meals in fine restaurants. But today, no! I had a nice little sandwich:
2 slices of Bristol Farms whole wheat (220c)
1/4 C blue cheese (200c?)
1 T fat free mayonnaise (15c)
2 oz lean turkey breast (70c)
So that's what? 505c for today, thus far. Not bad, and I'm full, so I can make it to dinner:
1 chicken breast (140c)
So, all together, 675, or so? Not bad, for the starvation jump-start diet - hah!
Biggest Loser, which I watch every Tuesday night for inspiration, is certainly full of product placement, isn't it? And then, there are those hokey "commericals" which they try to hide as normal conversation, "You just open the zip lock bag, put your ingredients in, then microwave. A perfect meal in a bag." Good grief.
It's nice to see all those fatties sweating it out and losing weight. I'm dying to know what they eat. Perhaps I should join a Biggest Loser group, yes?
Well, I've just looked, and there aren't any real "Biggest Loser" groups, which is strange, because you'd think there would be people around who just adore kevetching about that sort of thing, the morning after, including me - tee-hee! However, I have joined a couple of groups, and maybe this means that I can start making some weigh-loss buddies. I will be honest, I really don't want to discuss this sort of thing with my family or friends - it just seems so sordid. For one thing, I hate to talk about myself, and for another, despite appearances, I loathe for people to notice me. If one makes a diet proclamation, it then feels as if everyone were watching one. I much prefer, "Gee, looks like you lost a few pounds, did you?" Or, "[with great enthusiasm and surprize] Have you been on a diet?" I then answer, extremely nonchalant-like, "Oh, I may have lost a couple of pounds", when it's clearly obvious I've dropped at least 20. Oddly, it usually takes that much for anyone to notice.
Still waiting for the bra-size to drop like a rock. I, alas, don't have a dearth of breast tissue. It seems I gain everything there, on my stomach, and on my calves (which prevent me from buying those Tory Burch boots, damn-it!) Okay, yes, there is much everywhere else, on the arms, the back, the neck, the wrists, even. It's quite gross.
Tomorrow, I must tell you the story of how I got fat. It's long and mostly dull, but writing it down keeps one occupied and focused, so do bear with me
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Sep. 22nd, 2008 | 07:14 pm
It all begins again. I weighed myself this morning. Scratch that. I forced myself onto the scale, knowning it would be bad. I was pretty frightened - it's been so long since I've weighed myself, and I've been so very bad these past few months (since mid-March, if you must know details). 199.5. So, I've not passed the 200 pound mark, but still! Yikes!
I never did reach 150 like I wanted to, several years ago. I got down to 162, I think. II could fit into my designer clothes; I wasn't mortified to parade around the Beverly Hills Hotel pool in a bathing suit; it really wasn't so bad. But you know, I'm tired of dicking around. I'm sick of *almost* being there, throwing in the towel from the exhaustion of it all, and then putting it all back on.
Can I do it this time? I think I can, I think I can.
I've ordered $200 worth of Medifast. Like I've said, I'm sick of dicking around with Weight-Watchers and all the rest. I mean, sure Weight-Watchers is great, but my god! It takes fucking forever, and I'm desperate to drop a couple of bra sizes!
So today. Today went alright. Vitamins at 6:30, sandwich at 11 am (2 pieces of Alvarado sprouted wheat (I'm waiting for the Medifast to arrive), 2 oz of lean turkey, 1 oz lowfat cheese, 1 tablespoon of Brummel & Brown), ate 1/2 an apple at 2:30, the other half walking to the Metro at 5, then one small carrot on the Metro. For dinner: 1 large green salad with non-fat dressing, 2 small chicken legs, 2 small chicken wings, 2 cups of watermelon, and the vitamins. I know, I know, it's all so irreverent when it comes to sensible eating plans and all that.
Exercise: 1/2 hour of swimming, then 45 minutes of walking. Not so bad.
I can't fit into any of my clothes - two outfits I have, that I can fit into, which I rotate. I don't know if anyone at work notices, nor do I care. It's very European of me, no? In any case, I'll be back all the rest, soon enough, and then, if I'm good, perhaps I'll be able to fit into the "Polish" dress, which I bought several years ago just before I quit my good habits.
It's so horrible to go through my day, commuting, walking downtown, seeing all the lovely clothes in the shop windows, the great outfits that the skinny girls have put together which I can only dream about. There's a pair of boots I want so badly, but I can't get my calves into them. Here they are - they look better in person, I swear. I'm tempted to buy them, if only to provide a carrot for that stick. And then, there was the sweater dress I saw in that FCUK store downtown. Their largest size was a 12 - I didn't dare to try it on - oh my gawd! The humiliation! What a shock that would have been, squeezed into a thin cotton/wool blend sweater, 2 sizes too small. Still, another possible carrot. Why, oh why, must I be poor?